In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
