maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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