I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
