how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
