you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
