I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.