Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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