K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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