when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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