Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
