Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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