Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
