If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
