hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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