OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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