My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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