covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
