You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
