Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
