Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
