hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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