there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
