can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
