Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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