she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
