South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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