dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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