Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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