I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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