Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
