hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
