I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
