i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
