My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
