So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
