there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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