Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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