my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
