apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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