dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
