yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
