he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
