so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
