I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
