He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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