He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
