sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
