dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
