I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
