i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
