Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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