Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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