There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
