I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
