If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
