I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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