I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
