Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
