I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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