so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
