Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
