Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
