Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize