Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
