What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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