Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
