this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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