i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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