We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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