Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
