the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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