apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
