I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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