...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
